I
like big butts and I cannot lie, rhapsodized Sir Mix-A-Lot in Baby
Got Back, his 1992 smash single that simply cannot be overlooked when
composing a paean to the limitless pleasures of lusciously
large-scaled female posteriors.
Of course, legendary metal mavens Spinal Tap had
already kicked open that back door lyrically via their opus Big
Bottom, which declares: The bigger the cushion, the sweeter the
pushin / The looser the waistband / the deeper the quicksand / My
love gun's loaded and she's in my sights / Big game's waiting there
inside her tights!
Super-sized female seat meat has indeed inspired
music, poetry, and innumerable passions through the ages.
And even now, in an era where women seem bent on
shrinking their bodies to the point of shapelessness, monumental mud
flaps prove to be as worthy of worship as ever.
Just witness the booming success of the following
bodacious-bottomed starlets.
Would their beauty pack the same wallop if they
werent so bombastically blessed in the behind?
Mr. Skin thinks not, and so please join him as he
appreciatively drops to his knees in the back-porch shade of
Hollywoods most delectably hefty-heinied hotties.
KIM
KARDASHIAN
ALI-ASS: Kim Large-Ass-ian
MOST FANNY-TASTIC APPEARANCE: 1)
THE NOT-TOO-SKINNY (WHERE IT COUNTS):
Armenian-American eyeful (and skirt-ful) Kim Kardashian presently
reigns as 21st-century Tinseltowns Titanic Tush Queen. Volcanically
voluptuous, with mountainous mammaries very much in keeping with her
ravishing rear, the daughter of O.J. Simpson attorney Robert
Kardashian (and step-daughter of Olympian oddball Bruce Jenner) has
exposed her knockout naked form in a sex tape released by Vivid
Video, a Playboy spread, and by pulling down her pants to mega-moon
the camera on her own reality TV series, Keeping
up with the Kardashians. Talk about
smokin crack!
JENNIFER
LOPEZ
ALI-ASS: Rear-Port o Rico
MOST FANNY-TASTIC APPEARANCE: 1)
THE NOT-TOO-SKINNY (WHERE IT COUNTS): In her pop
hit Jenny from the Block, Puerto Rican powerhouse Jennifer Lopez
maintains that she remains the same simple girl from the Bronx that
she was before scoring huge success in movies, music, fashion design,
and, best of all, bringing heat back to booty shaking. And the object
that most propelled Jenny to stardom is no blockits a perfectly
round, illustriously abundant orb. La Lopez flashes her firm
headlights in both 1)
and 1),
but, to date, shes somehow managed to keep her chugging A-train from
turning up naked. Still, you can revel in the size and shape of her
most valuable thing in her music video Love
Dont Cost a Thing.
BEYONCÉ
KNOWLES
ALI-ASS: Destinys Derriere
MOST FANNY-TASTIC APPEARANCE: 1)
THE NOT-TOO-SKINNY (WHERE IT COUNTS): Black,
brazen, often blonde, and with a scrumptious set of earthquake hips, Beyoncé
Knowles is truly one of the most
towering figures in todays R&B sceneRumpadocity &
Bootyliciousness, that is! In addition to topping the music charts,
the former lead diva of Destinys Child has grown from the bottom into
an A-list (in every sense) movie sensation. Beyoncé brings
serious heat to the comedies Austin
Powers in Goldmember and The
Pink Panther, but its her boob-tube
performance on Saturday
Night Live thats the butt shaker to
beat (off to).
JENNA
VON OY
ALI-ASS: Backdoor Blossom
MOST FANNY-TASTIC APPEARANCE: 1)
THE NOT-TOO-SKINNY: Oy! That little Six grew up
to sport one gigantically beauteus gluteus! Jenna
von Oÿ did first capture our
hearts as Mayim Bialiks numerically monikered sidekick on the classic
90s teen sitcom Blossom.
But(t) it was Jenna who truly blossomedfrom behind! In 1999 Jenna
costarred on the African-American-centric series The
Parkers, sporting a squatter that was
huger and hotter than many of the shows most sultry soul sisters. To
see her was to long to be a rear Parker. When Jenna brought her
humungous haunch to the big screen, she filled the frame fabulously.
Check out her peel down (to undies) and lap dance in the thriller Truth
Be Told.
KERRY
WASHINGTON
ALI-ASS: Chocolate Thunder Down Under
MOST FANNY-TASTIC APPEARANCE: 1)
THE NOT-TOO-SKINNY (WHERE IT COUNTS): It has been
written: The darker the berry, the sweeter the juice. Deep-cocoa-hued 1)
and rocks a thong like Mount Tush-more (Picture: 1).
She also flashes her fundament in the tantalizingly titled 1).
Still, you havent experienced this Washington Monument in all its
chiseled, overpowering allure until you see Kerry bottomless in The
Last King of Scotland. That will
really blow your bagpipes.
SALMA
HAYEK
ALI-ASS: South-of-the-Border Badonkadonk
MOST FANNY-TASTIC APPEARANCE: 1)
THE NOT-TOO-SKINNY (WHERE IT COUNTS): Mexican
mama-seat-a 1)
and bisexual biopic 1)
are the best places to see Salmas mam-nificent breast places. For
terrific tastes of Salmas stupendously super-stuffed panty burritos,
though, check out her crack attack in Wild
Wild West and the skinny-dip scene
from Ask
the Dust. You could drown in that thing!
IDINA
MENZEL
ALI-ASS: Rent Rump
MOST FANNY-TASTIC APPEARANCE: 1)
THE NOT-TOO-SKINNY (WHERE IT COUNTS): Broadway
bombshell Idina
Menzel dropped her drawers on stage
in the live theatrical production of the enduringly popular belting
bohemians musical Rent.
Patrons seated in the lucky section got a searing view of
brickhouse-built Idinas enormously inviting backside. Perhaps
bolstered by awestruck audiences, Idina repeats her bumcake-baring
feat in the movie adaptation of Rent, leaping up on a restaurant
table and mesmerizingly peeling down her pants to point her
voluminous naked posterior directly into the camera. Standing,
sitting, or after passing out, youre guaranteed to give Idinas
performance an O.
AMANDA
ADAY
ALI-ASS: Meaty Loaves
MOST FANNY-TASTIC APPEARANCE: 1)
THE NOT-TOO-SKINNY (WHERE IT COUNTS): Shes the
daughter of operatic rock monster Meatloaf, and what her old man is
to thunderous FM-radio anthems, Amanda
Aday is to full-bodied flesh-bomb
exposure. Check out her big top and beautifully bulky bottom as she
dances in a girly-show tent on the HBO series Carnivàle.
She shakes her massive moneymaker(s) next to tiny-heinied Carla
Gallo, and the contrast of their
opposite, but equally exquisite, forms makes for a visual feastwith a
double portion of butt steak as the main entrée, of course.
SACHA
HORLER
ALI-ASS: Oz-some Outback
MOST FANNY-TASTIC APPEARANCE: 1)
THE NOT-TOO-SKINNY (WHERE IT COUNTS): Plush-bodied
Australian sexpot 1),
a Down Under drama with a title wondrously evocative of its leading
ladys deliciously squeezable physique. For a chance to sink your
teeth into Sachas decadently dirigible-sized sitter, however, let us
now praise the film Praise.
There Sacha shows off both her mighty milk bazookas and fluffy muff
again, but she also treats us to a host of her hot butter biscuits
while riding man rod.
KATE
WINSLET
ALI-ASS: Titanic Tailpipe
MOST FANNY-TASTIC APPEARANCE: 1)
THE NOT-TOO-SKINNY (WHERE IT COUNTS): Scrumptious
English muffin Kate Winslet boasts the distinction of baring her
bosom in the most popular box-office phenomenon in cinema history, 1).
Alas, thats just one naked highlight in Kates career, which is rich
with nude displays of her curvaceous creampuff of a body. For the
most outstanding gander at her glutes, the award goes to the biopic
Iris, where Kate skinny-dips and then bends down in direct sight of
the camera. Forget that sinking luxury liner; lets toast to Kates
none-too-little, absolutely opulent caboose!
POSTHUMOUS POSTERIOR AWARD
ANNA
NICOLE SMITH
ALI-ASS: Tex-Ass Tuchis, R.I.P.
MOST FANNY-TASTIC APPEARANCE: 1)
THE NOT-TOO-SKINNY (WHERE IT COUNTS): When
plus-sized Playboy icon 1)
and 1),
although the go-to resource for Guess Jeans most generously endowed
model at her most resplendently raw is Anna
Nicole Smith Exposed: Her Fantasy Revealed.
Not only do we see Anna engaging in lesbian bubble-bath bliss with
Ahmo Hight, but the entire production is chockfull of shots of the
dearly departeds colossal keister. R.I.P., A.N.S.s T&A.
Bryon at 4:16PM on August, 8 2008
damn!! who knew that jenna von Oy had an ass like
that. hope we can see more of that soon
Phil at 6:09PM on September,
26 2008
The part when chris rock is taking Kerry
Washington's Undies off In the movie "I Think I Love My
Wife" you can see a white spot of juice on the sweet spot of her
undies. He must have made her hot to do that. I seen the shot then
backed the DVD up and paused It right there and there It was "A
WHITE SPOT" Man that's hot!!!
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